this weekend vs. last weekend

hmmm, get up at 5:45 a.m. on a Saturday to greet customers who didn't speak my language at a yard sale???? (don't worry we apprecaited all of our customers...we made a killing) but i did get great use out of the crayola house apron...makes a perfect money bag!

OR...

hangout with some of the coolest couples ever on the Tennessee River! fun in the boat, proving to myself that I could still ski, watching Jared wakeboard and jump off extremely high cliffs, getting to play with babies-then give them back to their parents, eating great food, and creating our own trivia game!
what more could you ask for....
to top it off we had a major rain storm come in one late afternoon and i sat in a plush chair reading a cheesey novel while listening to the rain on the tim roof!!!
gah, the Lord's provision amazes me....what a blessing.


and one more little one to look at....a good friend/co-worker had her baby last week, when i went to see her i was kinda in shock, for as long as i've been working here she's been pregnant so it was WEIRD to see her skinny! crazy...(she's also the one who buys paintings from me for her children's room...kinda my first real customer!)

worst nightmare ever!!!!!

::DISCLAIMER::the words you are about to read do not in any way accurately depict my friends, their hearts for me, or our friendships::

so i woke up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night....and no i didn't have a fever. i had a horrible dream...

i think the root is that i talked to billie-babe very briefly last night. we were both multi-tasking, didn't get very deep, kinda hung up with little "ugh" feeling, like i wish i could have driven on over to her house and had a real conversation.

but i couldn't.

so my dream...
i don't know where i was but all of the sudden han, ray, d and bill were standing there and they were telling me how they had been plainning a huge trip (not sure where, but i wanted to go). i was kinda confused, thinking, "gah, why haven't they asked me to come?" so i finally chimed in and invited myself...which is a little odd when they are my bff's. they looked at me like, "ok you've got to totally commit right this very minute and pay up right now to get a flight, and if you don't get on board right now you can't go"

a little abrupt, i know.

so my wheels are turning and i'm thinking, i should probably run this past jared first, before i spend a bunch of money and commit to being somewhere...what if he had other plans for us?? so i naturally said give me a little while to think about it. they all make this face at each other and i say "it kinda feels like you want me to say no, and you're making this hard on purpose" and one of them said "yeah, thats right, we want you to say no" (no sarcasm, completely truthful)

a little confused, i just stood there. finally one said "see you've been away from us for awhile, and you never do anything with us, so we are just ready to CUT ALL TIES!!!!"

now do you understand the whole waking up in a cold sweat deal?

that was it, no more dream, woke up, completely confused, tried to process the thoughts in the shower, only got more upset, not a good way to wake up.

so i've thought about it some:
1--i thought i was over my insecurity of being "replaceable," and i thought i was confident enough to know that my friends like me for me, not how flexible my plans are, how much money i have to jump on a plane with them, or the spontaneity factor. so i guess i realized i need to spend a little while focusing on my worth.

2-i don't talk to/see my friends enough! i mean i miss my girls so bad i'm having nightmares about it! i know we can't all hop on a plane and have a little rondevouz, but would a conference call suffice? and when i go weeks without calling, or have a crappy surfacey conversation, know that my heart longs for community with each of you. it's true.

so maybe the title of my blog should simply be "i miss my girls"

a day in the life....

yeah for me and my friend suzanna who are trying to have fun at work!!

kinda cheating.....

sorry-no new news here....no time right now....but to get a quick glimpse of the past week or so, check out jared's blog...

www.jaredsmiths.blogspot.com

the call of the ocean

it is soothing, creates a calm in my soul, and beckons me to listen for Father's voice. it is surrounded by laughter, growing relationships, encouragement, and good food!

the past week in santa rosa was amazing. jared and me are so blessed with a gracious family. each day was relaxing, held a new adventure, and always a little competition.

the classic sand castle cake was made, the girls cooked a feast, barry took us all out to extravagant dinners, the boys made up games on the beach, and ty and amanda got a few more good memories before they're off to Tulsa.

it was great to hangout with Slade and have early morning conversations with Kat.

The beach will always make me miss my girls.

I read 2 great books and made up songs of my own. (remember from a post a long time ago how i wanted to write songs for my family....)

i'm glad to know that stress knots in my shoulders melt away in a few short hours of beach time.

i'm back at work now. actually enjoying it. you know that feeling of "it's good to be missed," well i definitely feel that here. everyone is so glad i'm back and i am enjoying work again. we have a trial week after next and i'm excited about it. life is good. not many people are excited about their work. i feel blessed.

one more day of work and then it's the Justice Family Reunion....does it get any better than this??